right now the side of my face is bleeding. needless to say this has not been the best day. i'll give a quick review of it

english (american lit)- ok. so the teacher is a complete spedmuffin. first he's saying i want you to learn how to think, and give people a chance and don't judge them and blah blah blah. but then he sits their and makes us memorize stupid things and grades us on what we remember and he judges us... he doesn't even know me. if he took the time to have a one on one conversation with me he'd realize that i know how to think. i think way to much. and that i'm not a complete idiot. he's such a hypocrite!!

economics- the dude did nothing but talk sports. he doesn't review or anything. e just gives us facts tells us to momorize them and that's it. if you want me to remember it. you have to attach it to something. you can't just give me information and not tell me what to do with it. i need to learn something by applying it to other things. this ass only wants to talk about basketball football and golf

typeing- come one now if i couldn't type by now i'de have to be brain dead.

biology- i can't really say anything about it. i don't like it...but i don't hate it. the teacher is cool sometimes, and a complete prick sometimes.

lunch- nothing happened as usual. i sat with my 2 closest school friends and we talked about music and guys

american history- the teacher is a prick, but he explains in retard tearms so i understand that. it's an ok class. just don;t like the teacher

intagrade algebra 2- i need a teacher that will spend 1 on 1 time with me to explain this stuff. the people in my class are ass holes and i can't even hear what the teacher is saying. thats anothre class that if she would tell me what to do with the information, i'de do better at it.

I HATE SCHOOL!!!!!!!

i hate happy couples!!they make me sad. i know i'm gunna end up lik miss kotchik. alone and grumpy.

....what the hell is wrong with me. i feel like i don't fit in with anybody. i hate this. grrr why am i so angry all the time? i don't even know. i hate feeling like this. it's just like... inside i feel like shit and i wanna tell people things about me so maybe they can figuer me out but they don't seem to believe me. and yeah i know my problems are stupid...but they hurt me alot so deal with it. i'm the kinda of person that would rather you be the fuck out of me then yell at me. i hat when people yell at me or make fun of me. it's the worst thing you can do to me. i should be used to verbal abuse by now...but it hurts alot, i can remember almost every time i embarased myself, most times i got yelled at...and thinking back on them it still hurts. when i'm physically hit i only hurts for a minute then it's gone... i'de rather physical pain over emotional. i am a complete spaz. i am nowhere near being who i want to be. as much as i fight it i do have a heart and i do care about what other people say. i remember when Amanda Davinport was crazy... i used to say "when i'm her age i won't be like that." and now here i am years later... acting the same way. right now i hate the person i'm am and i seem to be getting worse as i go along. i don't wanna be like this

on a better not. i think C.J. likes me. which is REALLY cool. he's a nice guy and he's kinda cute i don't understand why everyone hates him so much. i don't know him very well butt he seems cool. i think i'm starting to like him a little.... i'll have to get to know him better.

ummm... i'm nothing but a series of mood swings and i hate it!!!

ok. welp. i am scared about the future. i am ooberly hyper active and i need to grow up. i have the attention span of a gnat.

i hate love! it's like it hurts so bad when you find it, but without it everything seems so empty, and the emptiness is what makes you want to die...but the pain...the pain is like when u have a cavity and u keep sucking air through it to see if it still hurts... it's like a human thing to crave pain. love=pain. no love=empty

ummmm....blah the same old blah issues it's a visious cycle and i wish it would end...or at least stall up a little and maybe switch it up..

well.... school sucks. i hate goin their. when i was in the more advanced classes, i felt like a moron because i couldn't keep up. and now i'm in easire classes, and i'm bored. when i talk to the people in the classes i hate when i have to explain what i'm talking about. come on now, it's not like i have a crazy advanced vocabulary. i speak basic every day english maybe the ovasional slang term thrown in their but not weird slang terms. just things like "dude, man" but for some unknown reason these people don't understand me. i guess it's bacause i have yet to figure out what "izzle" means.

i want to get a tattoo on my shoulder. nothing big or crazy... just a small star that says nirvana in the middle and "it's better to burn out" across the top and "than to fade away" across the bottom. i think that would be pretty cool. to bad i'll have to wait untill i'm 18

i still feel really out of place... even in familiar places with familiar situations and familiar face. i am just not feeling good about anything. i'm even second guessin myself on alot of things. it's not good. i wish it would all go away. sometimes i don't even feel like i'm alive. sometimes it feels like i'm just observing life go on around me....

"have you ever woken up and wished that you had died? just keep falling no matter how hard you tried. can't handel that pain and strife. so you think of ways to end your life"

have you ever walked into a room full of familiar faces, but still feel completely alone. i hate this feeling so much. or like... you don't stand out, but you don't fit in either.... i'm FINALLY realizing that i'm not like everyone else. no matter how hard i try to fit in, i'll always be a little different. i see things differently then other people... i can take the worst situation and find one good point about it...i can also take the best situation and find faults. i can see a dead flower and somehow see something really pretty in it.. i'm not like others people...and i don't think i'll ever be.... i just.... i just feel so alone. yesterday carlos IM'ed me and i was talkin to him and stuff, he's like the tipical skater, he's not tthat smart but he knows alot about what he's into, and he's not exactly cool but at the same time he's the most awesome person, and it's hard to get him to talk about his feelings, but once you do he's always their... and i dunno it felt kinda nice... we pick on eachother and stuff but... i dunno... no matter how mean i am to him he's always their...and when i'm talkin to him it's so cool.... like all the bad stuff goes away... ...haha wow that was an emo moment

umm...i can't believe mike is gone... it's so weird....

 i feel like doin somethin crazy. i don't know what, but i just wanna take a risk and do somethin awesome.

ummm... i need a boyfriend.... lol. unfortunately i have no looks and my personality sucks to...so guys usually only see me as a little sister. which sucks.

i gotta lose some weight too...i've been tryin real hard lately though...i lost like 5 pounds... 

remember how i said mike OD'ed....well....he's gone.... i'm gunna miss that boy

ummm..... friends ships are really gettin f'ed up this year... like everyone that was bestfriends in elementary school, they don't talk to eachother anymore, and people that were close in 7th grade don't really talk anymore either.... everyone is growin apart. like in that one saong by goodcharlotte "some say that time changes, best friends can become strangers, but i don't want that, no not for you" that's how i feel about all my friends now. Jessi and Brittany and Krista and Jen and Sara and Iris and Billy and Matt.  i hope i stay friends with all of them for ever.  i don't know what i'de do without them. 

uhh school sucks i never wanna go back.....ick

BEST FRIENDS MEANS I PULL THE TRIGGER,  BEST FRIENDS MEANS YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE!!!

i have been thinking and.... i think i have it all figured out!! ok. unlike other people, i can't picture myself past the age of 16. my whole life 16 was some kind of "magic" number or something. i couldn't figuer out why though... but lastnight i remembred that when i was little and i realized alot of the problems that were occuring and the fighting and it was starting to affect me and stuff... i used to think "16, i just gotta make it to 16 and then i can get out of here." so i never tryed to make any kind of plan or anything like most kids did, cuz i just wanted to make it to 16. so now that 16 is approaching i'm freekin out cuz i have no plans. almost as if i can't believe that it's almost here. and sence i was only planning up to 16 i never thought about college or what to do after 16.so right now i'm like packing all that wonder andever changing opinions into a few short months. i do wanna grow up, i just don't know how to be like...a functioning member of society. but...i'm learning. all that bad stuff that's happened in my life was necessary. if it never happened i wouldn't be who i am now and i'de never be able to be the person i will be one day. and... no matter what else happens.... everything happens for a reason and..... i'm gunna be ok.....

someone please comment on this lol i am bored and need something to read.

well. today i was thinking. kids today don't have summers like we used to. when i was a kid i left my house at noon and cam home at 10. i played all day, only time i came home was for lunch and dinner. we idolized the older kids. like...what ever they said we did. we didn't care how mean they were to us.. as long as they let us play. when i was a kid 15 was still a kid... you were an adult at 16 and not a second before that. i miss the days when "playing" ment just that..playing, not something sick. when benig picked last in kickball was the worst thing that could happen to you. scraped knees and grass stains were an every day occurance. summer had a smell. you could feel it. and through the winter months we played other games untill it go dark. but summers were amazeing. kickball and dogeball and 20 different kinds of tag, bike rideing, and skate board races and catching lightning bugs and swiming and when it got to dark to play we sat on someone's pourch and ate popcorn and played cardds and made crazy plans for the future. adult hood seemed so far away, and that's how we wanted it to stay. when i turned 12...it all stopped... summer had no more magic. the big kids frew up and left and the little kids were in too big a hurry to grow up. when i'm older i hope i can sit around with my kids and tell them all about how amazeing and special summers were for me growing up. and maybe they'll start up the innocence of summer fun again. those were the best years of my life. highschool is to hard. i'm not ready to grow up yet... i need one at bat....one last home run, one more day of my childhood before i can grow up. i'll never forget those days they will always be inside my heart... everytime i see a kickball, or smell that ....summer smell i think of those days. emo kids...are just kids like me that can't grow up...we need another crack at summer....

well my last at bat will never come... but that's ok...i guess.. i have to grow up and become the adult that i don't want to be. but that little kid in me will always show.

welp...today mike's sister michelle IM'ed me. mikey isn't doin to good. he can't move his right side much... imiss him. he ws so cool. but if he makes it he'll never be the same again. life is so fragile. it can be changed buy stupid decisions and stuff.

school starts in about 2 weeks...  dun wanna go back.

boys think i'm creapy.... i don't know why though... other then bein fat and havin fucked up hair am i really THAT bad?...dont answer that lol. i need a boyfriend LOL....and a life.

i'm so tired my wole body hurts. haha WOOT WOOT

what's the deal with money? who ever decided to invent it? honeslty how is this stupid little piece of paper worth so much?  is this piece of paper worth loseing human lives over? and why paper and metal? why couldn't they use something like shels.. their's a lot of them, but we can't make them wen ever we feel like it... they'ed be a real rarity. this stupid one dollar bill i hold in my hand.... it's nothing more then a piece of paper.. no different than the notebooks i pour my heart into. so why is it worth so much more? because a government full or lies tells us it is. why do our lives revolve around getting more of this... paper? ....it's just paper.... that's all it is... were useing all our time energy and power... to get paper. were wasteing human lives.... to get paper. it's crazy.

i have a bad headache.

i need a boyfriend..... any one wanna take me up on that offer?